Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
