you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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