Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
