If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
