Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
