i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
