fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
