mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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