What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
