I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
