Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
