Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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