remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
