Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
