Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
