my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
