Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize