oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
