so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
