Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
