We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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