She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
