I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize