Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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