Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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