So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
