do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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