i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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