like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
