I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
