I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
