My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
