Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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