So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
