Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
