i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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