It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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