Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We need to get me chipped asap
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
