There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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