who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize