So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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