I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
