You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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