how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
