Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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