you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
