hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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