by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
