When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
