I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
