oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
