Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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