two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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