There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize