Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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