You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
