Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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