If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize