Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
