Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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