to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
