WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
