As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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