im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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