I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
